[:en]What women don’t tell: I don’t want you to change[:]

[:en]Before putting a ring on it, most women will tell their partners that they are completely satisfied with their behavior, job, insecurities, ability to cook, clean and pay the bills. It’s after the wedding that the guy finds out she really does have some intentions about changing who he is.

Before marriage, both men and women will tell their partner what they think they want to hear in order to get the deal done. But, after the knot’s been tied and the daily grind begins, you’ll hear her talk more and more about what she thinks will be best for you. She may even continue to tell you that she loves you just the way you are, all the while communicating a little bit about your eating choices, your dress habits or how irritating it is when you put the toilet paper on the wrong way.

You don’t like the lie. In fact, no one would like the lie. But, you have to realize that it really isn’t a lie. She does love you just the way you are; but she also wants the best for you. In her eyes, to get the best for her partner, he has to change a few of the things that he’s been doing. Eating better, getting more sleep, standing up straighter will all give you more self-confidence, be healthier, more energy and a better chance for advancement at work.

She loves you just the way you are and wants the absolute best in your life. She just isn’t quite the best at communicating how those changes would help you. It might be that your little idiosyncrasies are irritating, or it might be that she thinks those changes will help you in your business life or in other relationships.

What can you do?

If you are feeling beaten down with the comments she’s been making it’s time to address the issue. One of the other reasons that women start taking issue with small things is that they don’t feel loved or appreciated. It’s a little like children who continue to bad things because the only time they get attention is when they do the wrong thing.

If you still love her and want to make this relationship work, it’s time to figure out how she interprets being loved and speak to her in that language. She might be sniping about you spending more time with her – and that might be exactly what will stop the comments. It might be that she’s asked you to help with the garbage or the yardwork and you haven’t had the time. Making a few changes in your own life will often change her behavior.

This isn’t about you becoming someone else, but doing some things differently.

Be You, Be Two, Be New![:]