In any relationship in which there are disagreements there are consequences for resolving or not resolving the conflict. In most instances these consequences are fairly obvious. In the workplace you may be overlooked for promotion or for elevation in your current position when your boss perceives that you are difficult to work with.
When you can’t resolve conflict at work it creates a poor environment between yourself and the other person, as well as anyone else who must interact with the two of you at the same time.
If you can’t resolve conflict with your immediate blood family it can create a divide that eventually leads to you not participating in family events. But, if you can’t resolve conflict when you are in an argument with your partner you are in danger of losing that partner for the rest of your life.
There are three questions you can ask yourself when you and your partner are in conflict:
- What is the best I can expect from this argument?
- What is the worst I can expect from this argument?
- What is the most likely alternative I can expect if we don’t resolve this conflict?
The answer to the first question gives you the answer if you have everything go your way. Of course the likelihood is that you will not have everything go your way. If you have any consideration for your partner you’ll ensure that the conflict resolves in way that gives your partner at least a shred of dignity.
In the second scenario the question asks what you can expect if absolutely nothing goes your way? How will you feel if nothing you do or say during the argument changes your partner’s mind and you are left in a position that is further away from where you started?
And in the third question you will determine what is the likely alternative if you don’t resolve the conflict. It is often the answer to this question that drives people to work the hardest to resolve their conflict. When conflict is not settled, the unresolved feelings and problems will create a divide between you that only grows over time. Once one conflict is not resolved it rears it’s ugly head in all of your future disagreements and conflicts. These feelings will also fuel the fire of your current disagreement and make the hope of resolution a thing of the past.
Before long, your relationship will implode and you’ll be left with the fragments of what once was. Instead, itís time to resolve to come to an agreement each and every time you donít agree on something. Only this way can you ensure that your relationship can go the distance.
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