Until you change your definition of what perfect is you are doomed to failure again and again. You will also cause yourself and anyone you enter into a relationship with, a lot of pain.
No one is perfect, but someone can be perfect for you.
There is a difference. The sooner you can make that distinction the sooner you’ll have a real shot at having a great, loving relationship.
To get a better idea of what someone who is perfect for you would like, I’ve compiled a list of some of the most commonly desired traits in a partner. Of course your ideas could be different but these traits are fairly common and they provide a good place to start in examining what you consider perfect.
People are comfortable with someone who ‘gets’ them. If you sing in the shower, like weird food combination’s, or just like to act goofy sometimes, you’ll want a partner who can play along with you.
Everyone has their own little quirks and your perfect partner will, at the minimum, accept those quirks without making fun of you and at best will have the same or similar quirks. You won’t want someone who will roll their eyes or ridicule you whenever you do these things. They should love you, and accept you, just as you are.
Good self esteem:
One of the biggest problems I see in relationships is when one party is insecure. This insecurity is often hidden and it can come across as many other things. Very often someone who is overly sexual or overly aggressive is actually just trying to compensate for and cover up a very strong sense of insecurity.
As you get to know someone keep a close eye out for their actions, this will tell you a lot. For example, how do they react when something embarrassing happens? Do they get angry, defensive? Do they lash out at you, this should be a huge, huge, red flag. Or do they laugh and shrug and go along with it good naturedly. If they do the latter it probably means that they are a secure confidant person, and that is a trait you want to look for in a partner.
Do they share similar views on things that are important to you? You don’t have to agree on everything. It’s possible some relationships can thrive even if both parties are very different in many of their views; though it will only work if both parties are mature and secure and don’t feel threatened that the other one doesn’t agree with them on various issues.
For the most part though, it will work better if you and your potential partner have a common ground on the main issues, your core beliefs. If you value honesty and fidelity, for example, you won’t be happy with someone who lies and cheats.
Believe it or not, it’s actually pretty easy to find perfect relationships, or at least perfect for you.
The problem is that people see what they want to see and not what is really there. I know it can be hard, especially in the beginning, but it’s important for the long term health and happiness of the relationship that you take off the blinders and see your partner as they really are, not as you want them to be.
Be You, Be Two, Be New[:]