[:en]Leaving the Power Struggle out of Your Relationship[:]

[:en]In a world where men and women compete for the same jobs, it can be difficult not to bring that power struggle home. However, it’s important, if you want to develop a strong and stable relationship that you don’t.

Your relationship is a partnership between two people who agree to merge their hopes, wishes, dreams, finances and home life together. Unfortunately, too many times these relationships turn into a power struggle between two people who want to make more than the other, do less house or yard work, spend more, save less or any of a number of other items that couples can fight over in the years they are together.

You might think that you and your partner don’t have power struggles or fight over things that would create a power struggle – but you just might and not know that you are. In some instances your disagreements may be peripheral to a power struggle. For instance, fighting over how critical your partner is, how much you resent the time they spend at the job or how much more your time is spent on your partner’s meteoric rise in the office and not your own – can all be arguments which stem from power struggles.

Unfortunately, power struggles can also occur in the bedroom. Couples can get competitive about bedroom antics, how much, how often and who initiates. This is definitely a place to leave power struggles behind. Once arguments start happening about your sex life they seem to blossom and take on a life of their own. This very personal and difficult subject must always be approached with sensitivity and compassion. Once you step over that line, your partner will remember what was said and how often.

Criticism, anger and power belong somewhere else, and not at home.

Although there will be disagreements and arguments, it’s always best leave them until you’ve both calmed down and can talk logically and quietly. Most men prefer this and most women don’t. Most women want to delve into the process immediately and resolve things while men would like to ignore it and hope it goes away, eventually. This is due to the way your brain handles communication and emotions.

The best way – for men and women – is to wait until you are both calm and no longer angry. Le the “reptile” in your brain go away: let the adrenaline levels go down.

It’s important to look beyond the simple act of the argument and at the deeper issues at stake.

Be You, Be Two, Be New

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