Go Through it and Not around it

A broken heart is something that most men and women will experience in their lifetime.

Whenever you open your heart up to someone, you increase the possibility that you’ll be hurt by the person you love. If you have children, a mother, father, sister or brother, you have the potential of experiencing emotional pain.

But, the pain experienced from a broken heart following a damaged relationship with someone you’ve fallen in love with is somehow more painful and damaging. It might be because these are people that we’ve chosen in our lives and not someone that happens to be part of the family that we were born in to.

Anytime you open your heart, you open the door to a broken heart.

Once broken, that heart must be repaired or you risk living with heavy emotional baggage for the rest of your life.

One of the strategies that is most important to use when recovering from a broken heart is to go through it and not around it. In other words, it’s important not to pretend that you’re OK to close friends and family. Spend your time with friends and family and share your grief. Even though you may not want to “talk about it” it is important that you do. However, it is also important that you don’t talk about it, and talk about it and talk it.

You have to remember that your brain stores information following this formula M=RxE (Memorisation = Repetition x Emotion). The more you talk the more your brain will memorise this bad emotions and situation. You want your brain to forget it as much as possible.

There is a realistic middle ground where you can communicate your hurt and pain while not alienating everyone around you or perseverating on the topic. We will be successful at what we focus our attention at. If you spend hours and hours each day talking about and thinking about your broken heart, you’ll just stay in pain. It is important to talk about your grief but it is also important to socialize with others when the conversation is not about your ex.

Make dates for lunch or dinner. Go out during the evening with friends. Ask your friends to drop in for a glass of wine, a slice of cake or a movie. Continue to work at being distracted with your friends and social activities, without burying the feelings of grief and pain. Each of us will go through grief at our own pace and in our own time. The time you need will be dictated by your personality and your relationship with your ex. Pay attention to how you feel each day and you’ll recognize when your heart begins to heal.

Start your day by looking at something nice (the sky, the sun, your pet etc…) and by smiling, this will drive some endorphins in your brain and bring a positive start to the day.

The importance of feeling your grief and experiencing it can’t be overstated. Unfortunately, if you do choose to take a shortcut you’ll find that you’ll come up against the same issues in the coming months and years. And once they raise their ugly head again, those same issues will hit you harder than they do now, and they will impact any relationship you may happen to be in.

By going through the intense pain and coming out on the other side, you’ll be stronger, ready to tackle problems in the coming weeks and months.

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