Sometimes it feels like we’re having conversations with ourselves. Our men are interested in us and proclaim they care and love us. But, somehow in the middle of a conversation about what happened at work that day, their eyes have glazed over and you know they’re playing the last round of golf or hand of poker.
Some men are more adept at hiding their distance during a tête-à-tête in which they hold no interest in the topic.
So, how can you tell that they are engaged in the conversation and get them interested if they aren’t?
Body language is often an unconscious display of what’s going on in the mind. If you get good at reading the signals you can avoid arguments, find compromise faster and learn when the other person is lying to you. And, another benefit, is knowing when your conversation partner has checked out and just not interested.
Men’s brains work differently than women’s. They are more linear and compartmentalized with a poor ability to move from topic to topic quickly. If they are interested in the topic they are focused and don’t often notice what else is happening around them.
On the other hand, if they aren’t interested they can retreat into an empty area of their brain where they really aren’t thinking about anything (as hard as that is to believe!) or they can be thinking about anything else.
When a man is engaged in the conversation he’ll be looking at you, asking questions and hearing what you have to say. His feet will often be pointed in your direction and shoulders squared away toward you. He’ll remember what was said during the conversation and be able to repeat other items back from previous conversations.
The way to keep him engaged is to keep the conversations short and on point. If you want a deep heart to heart conversation about feelings and the meaning of life, you’ll want to go out with your girlfriend and just give your guy the short version.
If you find him shutting down during the conversation you can call it quits and bring it up again another time.
Remember to keep the conversations short. Listen to what he has to say, because he’ll want to solve your problem. If you don’t want his solution, just tell him you want to bounce a couple of ideas off of him, or just want to talk.
Guys don’t try to disengage during your conversation, they just aren’t wired to have the same kinds of conversations that you are.