Conflict will arise in any relationship you’re in.
You might find that you and your brother fought often, you and your sister, your mother or your father. But those disagreements and fights are nothing compared to the disagreements you’ll experience with your significant other.
Partnership disagreements are different than those we have with our immediate family members.
We know that our relationship with family is based on blood ties and that our relationship with our significant other is based on choice. That one factor makes all the difference in the world.
One of the first things you should do in your relationship is to be sure that your partner’s love tank is full. This one act will make every future disagreement, fight, conflict or anything else that comes between you, easier to approach and get over. Did you know that each of us has a love tank and that our ability to engage meaningfully with our partner is based on how full that tank is?
Although the concept is not new, the term “love tank” was made popular by Dr. Chapman, author of the book, “Five Love Languages.” In his book Dr. Chapman talks about the different ways in which we interpret love from our partners and the necessary ways in which we need to have our tank full before we can fully engage with them. Dr. Chapman defines this love tank as the full feelings we have when we love our partner.
In order to have a full tank, we have to know that our partner loves us, and in order to know that we are loved we have to hear it or see it in a language we understand. That might be through receiving gifts, hearing words of affirmation, accepting acts of service, spending quality time or enjoying physical touch.
We all have a primary language that falls within one of those categories. However, you and your partner probably donít speak the same language!
This means that you must discover your own way that you understand you’re loved and talk with your partner about theirs. When you both feel loved and understood it’s much easier to follow the rules of conflict. Although we call them rules, they arenít there to make your life miserable, only to create boundaries that protect you and your partner from being hurt during a disagreement.
Learning your partner’s love language is probably one of the first things you should do when you both have decided that this relationship is worthy of a long-term commitment. In those first months everything you do for and with each other makes you feel loved. But, after those first “in love” feelings dissipate, it will be your love tank that tells you whether or not you want to stay for the long haul with your partner. And, when their tank is full they are more likely to feel love toward you.