It’s important to know exactly how that trust is built. Trust is an interesting emotional factor in relationships. Trust is built one minute and one action at a time, over days, weeks and months. However, it takes only 1 minute to destroy the trust that someone has in you. It takes just one action, one minute, on thing to break the trust and essentially destroy the relationship you’ve spent years building.
Trust is built with the hormone called oxytocin. This is a chemical element that is produced by the brain of two people trusting each other.
Once trust is broken it can take years to re-establish the trust you once had in each other. So, for the sake of developing a strong relationship, itís important that you work to build and keep the trust between you. One of those ways is to be both predictable and reliable.
This does not mean that you must be boring! Relationships in which you do the same thing every day, every week and every month is boring and not predictable. Being predictable means that you will do exactly what you promise youíll do. Being predictable and reliable means that when you promise that youíll do something, you do it.
Promising does NOT mean that you say, “I promise!” It just means that you say youíre going to do it. If you tell your friend youíll be there to help them move, then even if it’s raining, you show up. If you tell your partner that you’ll pick them up for dinner at 7pm, then you don’t call at 8 to say you’re not coming. Unless you’re in the hospital or physically unable to make the appointment, you show up. That is the person who is predictable and reliable.
But it doesn’t happen with one time or one promise. It happens over months and years of friendships and relationships. If you can’t make it, or you can’t do what you promise, then you MUST own up to what you did and ask for forgiveness. These are the small dings in the trust you are building with your partner that will create a divide and eventually destroy your relationship. If your partner can’t trust you in the small things, how can they trust you in the larger promises that you make?
In other words, if you don’t show up, forget what you said youíd do or do something you swore youíd never do – like stop for a beer with your friends after work – how does your partner trust that the REST of what you promise you’ll keep? Are you investing the family money responsibly? Are you cheating? Did you have a car accident and not tell them? Did you leave the lights on and let the battery drain and not tell on yourself?
Consider the interests of your partner and do for them. The more you do, the more they can count on your and that you have their best interest at heart. Itís the small actions you take that build a strong relationship and strong foundation of trust over time.
You can learn more about improving your relationships here.
Be You, Be Two, Be New
Thomas[:]
