One of the biggest mistakes men make in their relationships with women is projecting into them their male thinking. And as you know because you are a NeuroCouple reader … this isn’t the way to think!
One of the masculine features they usually project into women is fairness.
When this mistake comes back to byte their asses they do not understand what happened, they cannot understand why their girls come back to them in such a self-centered, selfish way in response to their fairness.
Well there is a simple reason for it: fairness is – in fact – an invention of men.
Men have been providers to women and children along all the thousands of years of Evolution so they feel terribly guilty if everything is not “shared in a fair way.”
This is the responsibility you feel when you know you have the power.
Women are different: their job was for thousands of years to invent ways to have the men give them and their children part of the preys of their hunting, for the seek of their survival. This is one of the most shared theories on how human couples work.
Being fair was easy to men: they had the power and access to food and resources.Being fair was much more difficult for women under such conditions and could have impaired their own survival and the survival of their children.
It comes out that if you are fair to a woman she will draw a long list of very unpleasant conclusions about you and your personality of which these are the most important:
– She will think about that is you are fair to her it is because you are tired of hunting and want to rest and please her. In a word what is for you a good, noble thing is for her a weakness. She will draw the conclusion that you are less fit for survival than usual and give you the last hit. In fact if you are less fit for survival it may be the last time she gets your preys away from you.
– She will draw the conclusion that she is permitted to steal from you the prey of your hunting and believe me: she will.
Of course this is taking place in he female subconscious as part of a model that hasn’t changed over the ages – keep in mind that our brains have no more evolved for more than 50-100.000 years!
Guys listen to me.
This is one of the main reasons for the failure of your relationships with your wives and your girlfriends: if you look backward there was a moment where you started to feel:”This is not fair, I am more powerful, I should raise her at my level”.
Soon after you wondered why you get absolutely no “thank you” from her and why she seems to want more and more and more out of you.
Guys tell me the truth: each one of you has been in his marriage or relationship with a woman in the point where he has to ask from himself:”What the fuck is going on here? The more I give to her the more she takes!”
This process went on until… you were made weaker and she went out of the relationship with you with half of your property.
Or until you had to stop her from doing that in a pretty rough way.
No matter how balanced and sexy a woman is, no matter how great you and she get along she will have to be reminded not to be selfish. She is incapable of what you guys call “altruistic” behavior toward her same-age partner.
She can only be “altruistic” toward her children.
That doesn’t mean you can’t teach her how to behave to relate with you in a different way. What you need to take out of your mind is that you will be able at a certain point to have her internalize fairness. That will never happen.
When a male perceives himself in a situation in which he is taking advantage of the other person, he tends to feel guilty
He either constructs psychological defenses that allow himself to continue in the one-sided business in which he gains at the other person’s expense or, he somehow goes about increasing the gain for the other person while reducing his own until that point at which he feels things are “fair” or “equal” again.
In other words, he somehow tries to build an altruistic balance.
When a female, on the other hand, perceives herself to be involved somehow in a one-way relationship, she recognizes it as such but then doesn’t take the next step. Instead, her typical response is to attempt to perpetuate the situation, cause it to continue, figure out how to make sure she continues to get that stuff.
It isn’t nasty behavior from her; it is, simply, her own instinct to preserve herself. When her children get messed up she sacrifices herself; but not before that time. Well maybe some modern women not even when their children get messed up.. but those are extreme cases.
So if you set yourself in a relationship with a woman in the position of being “fair” to her in everything she will take out of you everything, even the last penny. Instead the position you need to take towards her is the one of constantly teaching her how to give you things in return for what you are giving to her. You have to teach her that whatever you give to her is not for free. You need to teach her fairness and altruism.
When you do this you achieve her respect: you are showing her that you can hunt around and also hunt her.
How you do that on daily basis? Like this:
– Your leadership over a woman is not for free. Every time you lead her you need to communicate / sub-communicate that you do that only if you are treated well and get something in return. If she stops giving you stop leading. Verbalize this at need.
– Be specific in asking things from her. Women like to take care of you. You can be specific about how you want her to make love with you, in which way you want to be touched, tell her openly what pleases you sexually.
– You can be specific in regard on how you want her to behave socially, how you want her to dress, how you want her to come close to you, of which subjects you want her to talk with you and so on.
When you teach her to give things back to you in return for your existence in her life you are behaving with her like her Prince. Women love to be devoted to Princes because they are usually the best hunters.
Instead if you get into the downward spiral of giving her all what you have for the sake of fairness you will be taken into a black hole, her attraction and respect for you will go down and you will finally lose her.
She will think that you are pleasing her because you want to rest and stop hunting and will behave accordingly by taking all what remains of your prey out of you. An alpha male cannot rest. That is an illusion. If you are alpha you know that you can rest only in your grave.
Put your energy into business, pick-up, seduction and never enter a relationship where you are being made weaker !
To be able to understand the deep differences in brains between you and women is a very important skill.
If you are a single man willing to seduce women to get a wonderful girlfriend.
Or a husband willing to make his own wife happy in the relationship.
Or a playboy willing to have a lot of fun.
Your brains are the key to Be You, Be Two, Be New!