1. Without quality time together, your relationship will not survive. Aim to devote at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when the two of you spend time exclusively together.
2. You both want to feel secure within the relationship. A good relationship is built on compromise and a lot of give and take from both of you. Always keep in mind that you are different from each other and that none of you should become what the other wants you to be! You have to stay who you are while making sure you two enjoy each other.
3. Following #2, often those little things that first attracted you to your partner can turn into nasty annoying habits. Learn to love your partner warts and all. Don’t try to change them into something they’re not, after all you fell in love with them just the way they were.
4. Money is one of the top conflicts between most couples. For the relationship to work, you need to address your finances and maybe even work out a budget.
5. Learn to argue well. Never say something to your partner that you wouldn’t want to hear said back. Just remember, the one good thing they say about arguing, is the making up afterwards. Your brain is still wired for “fight/flight” instinctual reactions. Nowadays there isn’t anymore wild beast to eat you, but your brain starts the same survival process based on what your partner tells you.
6. Communication is vital to all healthy relationships. Listen to your partner and avoid blame and judgement. Don’t let your emotions dictate your behaviour. Remember just talking things over can help you to both have a deeper understanding of each other. Don’t let the instinctual part of your brain highjack your behaviours. Stay quiet, let the adrenaline levels go back t normal and then and only then expose your thinking.
7. Sort out your sex life, it may start to go downhill over the years, don’t just accept it. As soon as you notice it, address it with your partner and work out why, and what to do to bring back the passion. Maybe one of your prefers more sex than the other. Why not experiment with new ideas in the bedroom. Role play, dressing up, or maybe take your sex life out of the bedroom and try new places. The introduction of marital aids into the relationship can also help to spice things up. Whatever you decide, remember communication is vital.
8. Try to keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell your partner how much you need them, but don’t get to dependent on them and cling to them all the time, as that can make your partner feel trapped. On the flip side of this, don’t allow your partner to think you don’t need them, by going or doing things without them. Try to keep a happy and healthy balance between the two.
9. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, and feel the trust can never be regained then give yourself, and him a break and start again, with someone new.
10. Don’t ever think that going to counselling is a sign of a failed relationship. It can turn a bad relationship around and can also turn an average relationship into an excellent one. More and more people are turning to counselling today than ever, it shows you are both prepared to try and make things better, which can’t be a bad thing at all.
That said the secret to a good relationship is hidden in your brain and this is what you will learn here in Neuro Couple!
The fact remains, that whether you’re dating or married, relationships are hard. It takes 100% commitment from both of you. However, healthy and long-lasting relationships are achievable and many couples have proven just that. Not everything is always going to be perfect but if you both choose to make it work then it can. And remember it’s the little things that you sometimes do that can go a long way to making your relationship work.[:]